Enigmatic, mysterious, cryptic, and perplexing as I am, people often find themselves full of serious questions regarding my nature.  To that end, I’ve decided to put the most frequently-asked questions here, on this webpage, where I will answer them.

Who is Chris Braak?

This is a really stupid question, because I’ve got a whole page entitled “Who Is Chris Braak?” and you must have seen it when you clicked on this link.

Where do you get your ideas?

As a writer, I’m often asked this question, and the answer is simple:  I don’t.  No writer actually has original ideas, we just steal them from other people.  I take most of mine from Harlan Ellison, not because I like them especially, but because I know it pisses him off.

What’s this about?  And this?

Oh.  Yeah.  I’m also a famous stage actor.

Is all that stuff about you being Emperor of the Moon true?




You mention in your biography that you’re very handsome.  How handsome are you, exactly?

Well, I don’t know you, or any of your friends, but I think that I can safely say with no danger of contradiction that I am more handsome than anyone you know.

What’s the deal with your website?

What do you mean?

Well, it’s not really a website at all, is it?  It’s just a WordPress blog that you’ve sort of repurposed.

That’s a kind of website.

But not a good kind.  Are you too cheap to pay for real web hosting?  Or can you just not figure out how to use Dreamweaver?

Oh, I can use Dreamweaver.  Believe me, I can weave the shit out of those dreams.

Do you even know what Dreamweaver is?

You know what?  I don’t need to take this.  Who the hell are you, anyway?  This is some bullshit.  Some bullshit questioning right here.

It’s a serious question.  Authors nowadays need to be up-to-date with technology.  How do you think you’re going to compete if you can barely get some half-assed wordpress blog running?

That’s it.  This interview is over.

This isn’t even an interview!  This whole thing is just an exercise in self-aggrandizement!

Done!  I’m done!  I am leaving.  This is me, going OUT THE DOOR.

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